


Thotman

by TheUnamazingTrashKing



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, but it's actually kinda cute, welcome to Thotman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 22:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16334219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnamazingTrashKing/pseuds/TheUnamazingTrashKing
Summary: Happy Birth of THOTMAN My new OTPI was meant to upload this weeks ago but my university was like "here's some assignments lmao"Y'all: "Where's the Harry Potter fic? What about the Nightwing fic? Anything, please!"Me, sipping a hot chocolate: "Ain't the foggiest my pal"





	Thotman

Bruce stirred under the sheets and rolled over, expecting to find a body there. There was only air. He forced his eyes opened and stared down at the empty space. He supposed he shouldn’t have expected to see the man there. It was just a one-night stand anyway, it didn’t faze him too much. He rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of trousers to find the shirt of the man who wasn’t meant to be here still laying on the floor.

Now a little curious, Bruce left his room and wandered into the kitchen. There, instead of Alfred, was the man from the night before. Tall, insanely muscular, and luckily for Bruce, shirtless. He’d introduced himself as ‘Thor’ last night, but considering he’d been in a cape Bruce assumed he was just dressed as the god. 

“Morning,” Bruce grumbled. 

The man turned with a large grin on his face. “Good morning, coffee?” He gestured to the coffee pot that looked to be freshly brewed. Maybe Bruce should keep this guy around, might make Alfred a little less nosey. 

Bruce poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, watching the man cook. He took a sip before forcing on a smile and small laugh before saying, “Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name last night.” 

“Thor,” The man said. 

Bruce laughed again. “You’re joking right.” 

Thor smiled but shook his head. “No, it’s my name.” Bruce watched the man plate up the food. He was handed one plate that was practically piled with food. How much did this guy eat? They both leaned against the counters with their plates rather than moving to sit down. 

“So, are your parents really big fans of Norse mythology?” Bruce asked. 

Thor seemed to shrink a little. “I’m afraid both my parents are dead. Also, my older sister tried to kill me, and I had to kill her. I, at least, had my younger brother but he was also killed.” Despite the very clear tension in his body Thor put on a smile that was so obviously forced. “Anyway, I still have my friends, so I suppose it will all be fine.” 

Bruce realised he’d just been staring at the man. “Right,” He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry for bringing it up.” He took a bite of the food Thor had cooked. It was unexpectantly good. Maybe he could salvage this and keep Thor around. 

“That’s alright, how could you have known?” Thor replied, his smile becoming more genuine. Well, he was considered the greatest detective in the world, so maybe he should have. The two continued eating in silence for a while. Thor broke the silence, “So,” he said, “You didn’t actually show up to the party until rather late. What were you doing before that?” 

Bruce smiled, “I’m Bruce Wayne, I have at least twelve parties to go to at any moment.” 

Thor smiled back, “I did notice that you seem rather popular.” 

“The perks of being a billionaire,” Bruce replied. 

“Although, I also noticed you seemed to be speaking to as many people as possible for the shortest amount of time as possible.” 

“What do you mean?” Bruce asked, feigning ignorance. He had a pretty good idea of where this was going. 

“That brother I told you about,” Thor replied, shifting his position as if to make himself seem larger (not that he particularly needed to), “He would do the same thing. You could tell when he’d just been doing something he wasn’t meant to do, although you could never prove that’s what he’d been doing, because he would talk to as many people as possible. He’d try and obscure just how much time you would speak to him for by cutting it short and then picking it back up. Then, when something was revealed to have happened, no one could prove they _hadn’t_ seen him.” 

Bruce laughed. “What are you talking about?” 

“Nobody knows where you were while there was a masked man running about beating criminals. What do they call him? Human Mouse?” He shrugged, “Something about a mouse I’m sure, that’s how he’s dressed, like an odd flying mouse.” 

Maybe it was too early in the morning, or maybe that was just so stupid it took Bruce a second to process. “You mean Batman?” Thor clicked and pointed to him as if to indicate that’s what he’d meant. He returned to casually leaning against the counter. “Are you accusing me of being batman?” 

“Are you denying it?” Thor asked. 

“Yeah, obviously,” Bruce laughed. He rolled his eyes for good measure. Thor shoved another large forkful of food into his mouth. Bruce could tell the idea was to give him an excuse not to immediately reply. It would give him more time to consider what he would say. Bruce simply waited for him to figure out what he was going to do and say in response. 

He hadn’t expected Thor to stand up and approach Bruce, but soon he had the other man right up in his personal space. “You see now,” Thor said with a smile, “That’s a little disappointing.” 

“Oh?” Bruce couldn’t deny he was a little intrigued. He wondered if Thor actually had any evidence about his identity, or if maybe this was just something to get him in bed again. He hoped it was the latter. 

“See, you do have the perfect physique,” He placed one hand on Bruce’s waist. Seemed that Bruce’s hopes had been realised. “The perfect chin,” He used his other hand to gently brush under Bruce’s chin. The two shared a brief kiss. “You’ve also got far too many scars for you to not be involved in something more than simply drinking.” 

“I’m a clumsy drunk,” Bruce replied. He put his arms around Thor, letting them run up his back. 

“Really?” Thor asked, “That’s not how you seemed last night. In fact, you seemed rather well coordinated.” 

“Maybe you were just too drunk to notice,” Bruce offered. 

Thor laughed. “Drunk? On Midgardian wine? Absolutely not. It’s practically water.” 

“Right,” Bruce grinned, “You know if this is your way of saying you have a batsuit you want me to wear while we have sex, you can just jump to the point.” 

“I don’t,” Thor replied, “But I assumed you would. Have a suit, not want to see me in, or want to wear- never mind.” 

Bruce laughed and let one of his hands slip into the waistband of Thor’s pants. “Do I really seem like the type of guy who just has a batsuit for sex?” 

“No,” Thor replied. He kissed him again. “But you do seem like batman.” 

“You realise how ridiculous that is right?” Bruce asked. Thor pulled back a little and looked Bruce over before shaking his head. Bruce rolled his eyes again. “Come on, I’m practically rolling in money, what do I need to beat random people up for?” 

“But they aren’t random. They’re criminals. Nobody would consider them random people.” Perhaps Bruce had underestimated Thor. He looked like a dumb jock (and he fucked like one too), so, logically, he should be one, but he seemed to be picking up on things. “Maybe it’s the same reason your business has been working toward building a less destructive model and all that. To be totally honest with you, I don’t fully understand the business side of things.” 

Bruce sighed, “Even if I were batman, which would be insane, why do you seem to care so much?” 

“I’m just trying to gain a few more allies before I fight Thanos again.” 

“Who?” Bruce asked. 

“He’s the man who wiped out half the universe. He also killed my best friend, brother, half my people and half of my teammates.” 

Bruce pulled back a little. “That,” He paused, “Uh, that didn’t happen. I think I would have known about someone trying to kill half the universe.” 

“Because you’re batman?” 

“No.” Yes, actually, but he wasn’t about to say that. “Because trying to kill half the universe is a rather big deal. And what teammates are you talking about?” He was starting to think he’d accidentally gone home with someone who was meant to be in Arkham. 

“He didn’t just try, he succeeded,” Thor clarified, “And I’m part of the avengers.” 

“The who?” 

“The avengers.” 

“No, I heard you,” Bruce replied. “But I’ve never heard of those people.” 

“We’re Earth’s mightiest heroes.” Oh god, was Thor pouting? What was going on. 

“You mean like the Justice League?” Bruce asked. 

“The who?” 

“You know; Superman, Wonder Woman,” He rattled off the team members. “And, Batman, of course.” 

Thor shook his head. “I’ve never heard of these people.” 

“But you’ve heard of batman?” 

“Yes, last night,” Thor replied. 

“Wait, you honestly hadn’t ever heard of batman until last night?” Bruce asked. Thor nodded. “What the hell is going on here?” 

“I’m not sure. I was consoling some friends of mine, after all we had just lost many of our friends, when I attempted to use the Bifrost I landed here.” Thor explained, as if it made sense. He had a big smile on his face that Bruce assumed was hiding his anxiety. 

Bruce ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s start with what the Bifrost is, okay?” Thor began explaining the Bifrost, what it did and how to summon it. In the meantime, he was also gently massaging Bruce’s shoulders, which was making it a little difficult to concentrate. This, of course, lead them to Storm Breaker and, more importantly, its current location. Bruce needed some damn coffee. 

“Ah! I left it in an alley.” Bruce did a spit take. 

“You left a weapon of mass destruction in an alley in the most crime riddled city in the country?” Bruce asked when he stopped choking. 

Thor smiled, “Nothing to worry about friend; it’s incapable of being wielded by any creature who isn’t a god.” 

Bruce laughed, “Right, because you’re an actual god.” 

Thor smiled, “Of course.” 

Bruce grinned and shook his head. “While you were great last night, I wouldn’t say it was godlike.” “Oh, really?” Thor asked. He slipped one hand down to Bruce’s ass, giving it a soft squeeze. He then moved so he could support Bruce’s weight and lifted, easily picking Bruce up from the ground with one arm. Bruce struggled not to spill his coffee as he was jostled upward. “Perhaps I should try again,” Thor offered. 

Bruce squinted. This wasn’t proof that he was a god. Clark and Dianna could have done that. Although, Dianna was a Greek god of sorts and Clark was… Well, a little too godlike sometimes. Still, Bane could probably do that, and no one was going to call Bane a god. “Put me down,” He responded. Thor lowered Bruce so his feet were once again on the ground. “Lifting me doesn’t make you a god. You would, at the very least, have to go get the Storm Breaker.” 

“Sure,” Thor replied. He lifted his hand. Bruce stared at him for a moment. After a second Thor asked, “How far are we from the city?” 

“Pretty far,” Bruce replied just as the Storm Breaker crashed through the glass windows and landed in Thor’s hand. 

Bruce looked from the hammer clasped firmly in Thor’s hand to the shattered glass littering the room and then back to Thor. He looked uncomfortable as he lowered the hammer and whispered out a stretched out, “Sorry.” 

“Give me the hammer,” Bruce instructed, holding out his hand. 

“Afraid not, friend,” Thor replied. “You won’t be able to lift it.” 

“I think you would be surprised.” Thor shrugged and placed the hammer in Bruce’s hand. It dropped to the floor heavily. Bruce pulled a few times with one hand before trying to lift it with both. It didn’t budge an inch. 

Thor smiled cockily. “As I said, you can’t lift it.” 

At this point, Bruce didn’t really have a choice. “Put a shirt on.” 

“Are you kicking me out?” Thor asked quietly. 

“No,” Bruce replied with a sigh. “I’m taking you to the Batcave. Alfred will probably be down there so; shirt.” 

“The Batcave?” 

“Yes,” Bruce replied as he made his way back to his bedroom to grab a shirt. 

“Why do you have a cave of bats?” 

“Because I’m batman.” 

“Aha!” Thor cried. Bruce turned to look at him. Thor awkwardly tried to downplay his excitement at being right. Bruce shook his head but couldn’t help smiling. 

The two put their shirts on. Bruce’s, of course, was a button up. Thor’s was just a regular, although loose fitting shirt. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d expected something more medieval. Then the two descended into the Batcave. 

Thor seemed shockingly unimpressed. As if it were cool, but he’d seen better. Bruce wasn’t sure why that upset him. Maybe he was just too used to people walking in for the first time and being totally awestruck. Maybe that was because the last new person he’d shown the cave had been a child. He shook the thought off. 

“Master Bruce,” Alfred greeted him. “And you must be his new friend, who I understand he met last night.” Bruce picked up all too easily on Alfred’s concern for someone they didn’t know being in the cave. 

Thor stepped forward with his hand out. “I am Thor Odinson.” 

“Alfred Pennyworth,” Alfred replied. He gave a slight bow before shaking Thor’s hand. 

“Don’t worry, Alfred, I’m not interested in him. I just need to run some tests on that hammer.” 

“That’s not what you said last night,” Thor replied with a laugh. Bruce sighed and shot Thor a look. He didn’t miss the twitch of Alfred’s features as he tried not to smile. “Sorry,” Thor mumbled sheepishly. Bruce noticed that he didn’t look entirely sorry. 

Bruce led the way to the Batcomputer with a Battable that Thor placed Storm Breaker on. Bruce set up some Batwires that to collect information. Bruce sat at the computer to see what it was picking up and was shocked to find that the data collected seemed to be a jumbled mess. He started trying to clean it up, figure out what the readings even meant. On one side, Bruce had Alfred staring in similar confusion, on the other was Thor who seemed confused for slightly different reasons. 

“Is it meant to look like that?” Thor asked. 

“No,” Alfred answered. “No, it isn’t. Perhaps there’s some sort of interference, Master Bruce?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. 

“There’s nothing in the Batcave that would cause any,” Bruce answered, even though he knew that Alfred knew. It was just important for them to sort through the obvious questions, even when they both knew the answers. 

“Yes, well,” Thor commented, “I had a friend, Tony, who ran into similar problems while trying to research Mjolnir, my pervious hammer,” there was a look in his eye that was like a lesser version of the look he’d had when talking about his dead family and friends. Bruce assumed his friend had died but they hadn’t been close, after all it would be weird for him to get emotionally attached to a hammer, and he was already referring to Bruce as ‘friend’. “I don’t think he ever managed to find a way past it. But that seems to be the way with Earth’s technology, it doesn’t much like Asgardian objects.” 

“Well, your friend wasn’t me,” Bruce replied. “I doubt he had the resources we do.” 

Thor hummed for a second, “He is also a billionaire who created his own suit, although his, unlike yours, is metal and can fly around; and shoot lasers, or whatever they are, out of the hands. He also has quite a few, although he got rid of a lot of them as well. I’m not totally sure where we are with the number at the moment, last I heard he accidentally went to space.” 

Bruce wasn’t sure how to respond at first. Finally, he settled on, “I’ve got a metal suit. It’s for fighting the more serious guys, like superman.” 

“Oh, of course, Tony also has a suit he calls ‘Hulk Buster’ which he made to fight my other friend. It’s very big, about the same size as Hulk.” 

Bruce decided he wasn’t going to ask who Hulk. Alfred, however, did. Bruce could hear the two discussing Thor’s friends in the background. The ones that died, the ones that were still alive that he knew of. It seemed something awful had happened. It was so bizarre that Thor still seemed to happy-go-lucky when every four or five jokes would give way to this deep sadness that was immediately shoved aside with another grin and laugh. 

Bruce tried to focus on the Storm Breaker. Maybe Thor should rename it the Computer Breaker, because Bruce was sure he was going to get a virus or something. He didn’t even think it was possible for weaponry to have computer viruses, but he was sure this one had one anyway. 

“You know,” Thor said, once again addressing Bruce, “I had another friend,” He paused. “Well, girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, anyway, uh, she actually was very good at tracking the Bifrost and reading through the apparent interference.” 

“Really?” Bruce asked, turning to face Thor, “And how did she do that?” 

“Well,” Thor replied, once again looking a little sheepish, “Actually, she spent several years studying it and had to make a lot of equipment completely by hand. I don’t really know how she made any of it, so I couldn’t really assist in creating new versions of the technology,” He perked up suddenly and said, “but it is possible to do!” 

“Right, very helpful,” Alfred said, letting some of his sass slip out, a very rare find for someone outside the family. 

An idea suddenly stuck Bruce. He got up from his chair and took Thor’s arm to pull him along. Thor didn’t object, although he did seem surprised. He sat Thor down in a chair and turned away to grab some wires. “Take off your shirt.” He felt a pause in the room. He turned back to see Thor watching him and then glancing to Alfred a little too comically. “Take off your shirt,” Bruce repeated. This time, Thor complied. Bruce returned to Thor, now with some wires. He attached them to Thor’s temples, arms, chest and stomach before returning to the computer. 

“What are you doing, Master Bruce?” Alfred asked. 

“If he’s from a different planet or dimension or something it would show up, right?” Bruce replied. “So, let’s see what shows up.” 

The readings from Thor’s body weren’t immediately strange, but after a moment Bruce realised how different they were to a regular person. The numbers were… odd. They were the sort of readings he might expect to get of Dianna. 

At the very least, Bruce had gathered from the readings that Thor was telling the truth about who he was. Although, it didn’t prove there was someone who had wiped out half the world’s population. 

Bruce sighed and sat back in his chair. It was infuriating, not even knowing what he was looking for. He turned to Alfred, “Do we have anything on the schedule today?” 

“Actually, yes,” Alfred replied. 

“Any chance we can clear it?” 

“I’m afraid not. You’ve already RSVPed, of sorts.” 

Bruce rubbed his temples. “Right,” He grumbled. “What is it and when do we have to leave?” 

“It’s a charity gala, thrown by one of Wayne Enterprise’s most important panel members.” Bruce could tell he was doing that thing where he tried to jog Bruce’s memory. It wasn’t working. 

“Really,” Bruce replied, “Which one?” 

“You,” Alfred replied, “Sir.” Bruce sighed. “I see you forgot, but not to worry, everything has already been taken care of.” 

“When does it start?” Bruce grumbled. 

“In about three hours,” Alfred replied. 

“Okay, so we have about three hours to figure out what all this means.” 

“Actually, Master Bruce,” Alfred replied, “We have two hours, because you still need to appear presentable for your guests and you don’t want to be seen leaving the Batcave.” 

Bruce pursed his lips. “We have two hours and thirty minutes,” He stated. 

“Very good, sir,” Alfred said in that way which implied it wasn’t very good at all. He moved in closer and whispered, “Also you may need to determine what to do with your new friend.” 

Bruce turned to look at Thor. The man was staring off into space seemingly rather content. He seemed to realise Bruce and Alfred staring and turned to give them a grin. It almost seemed to be the only thing he did, smile and laugh. Bruce figured he’d manage to fit into a party setting fairly well. Everyone would be drinking anyway (the looseness of a man’s wallet could be directly linked to the looseness of his mouth, and that, often, could be measured by the alcohol in their blood). 

The ballroom was practically sparkling as always. although the banner for the charity added a certain official charm to the room. The room was packed with all sorts of potential donors and more than a few reporters. Of course, lots of the people who intended to donate were more inclined to do so if Wayne industries might strike some sort of deal with them, and which member of Wayne Industries to deal with than Bruce Wayne himself. 

Bruce hadn’t even spoken properly to anyone yet, but he was already tired of mingling. He glanced over to Thor. The god had already amassed a crowd who were laughing along with some joke. He had a calming, unintimidating aura when he was relaxed that seemed to attract women. Bruce even recognised one or two as local lesbians, but they looked at Thor with a sort of fear that came from feeling too comfortable around a man. The kind of relaxed adrenaline at knowing other people might think they’re straight and the clear evidence that they were trying not to care. Not to mention the flashes of what Bruce liked to call “Straight Panic.” Quite a lot like gay panic, but so much worse. 

He must have been staring, since Thor glanced over to him. They smiled at each other and Bruce found himself momentarily lost in the scene. He only realised when he spotted the group around Thor glancing between the two. He quickly turned his attention away, back to the people around him. He quickly found himself in his own little circle, wrapped in conversation. Most were suits trying to cut a deal. 

Bruce spent a few hours taking glasses from trays and trying not to stare at Thor. The man looked phenomenal in his suit. It was fitted in a way that emphasised the natural V-shape of Thor’s torso, and his pants were tight enough to emphasise the size of his thighs. 

I’m ending it here bc spending too much time on crack is bad for your health lmao shout out to @insomniacs-keyboard on tumblr for this fiasco


End file.
